Rethink Resources

Today while walking to the store in my neighborhood I was, to be blunt, hollered at by some random guy driving down the street who leaned over a female companion to get my attention. In trying to keep my attention he said something that I’ve heard on other occasions: “girl, just so you know, I got you. You need rent money, money for groceries - you let me know. I’ll take care of you. I got you.” What can you say besides “umm…thanks?”

Now mind you I’m not trying to be harsh on random dudes’ pick-up lines. Do what you’ve got to do.

It reminded me though of the workshop I did last week at a transitional living program here in Milwaukee where we were trying to talk about sex for gifts and survival needs and youth I meet often see that as both really different than the idea of prostitution and also completely normal in relationships.

Times are hard and an offer to pay someone’s rent at the cost of maybe listening to someone go on and on about themselves or doing something sexual, as long as it’s couched in the idea that “it’s not like you’re a prostitute or anything,” can sound very positive. I know youth who would not consider themselves in the sex trade at all who keep one or a few people in their pocket this way and I know youth who are formally involved in the sex trade (consciously escorting, stripping, or other ways) who do the same.

Perhaps they could be referred to as sugar daddies. Someone who’s willing to drive you around, buy you groceries, put a few bills in your hand, pay for dinner for the ability to chat you up, be seen with you, say sexual things someone would get slapped for other places, and on occasion (and as rarely as possible) do sexual things with them.

The above image is from an HIV prevention ad in Africa to address the issue of sugar daddies who offer to pay young people’s school fees and daily living expenses in exchange for sex.

Sex for gifts and sex for survival needs are more closely related than most people realize. Sometimes when something is offered as a gift it becomes more acceptable - they’re just being nice, helping me out, they aren’t making me feel needy or ashamed like the public aid office. Sometimes people judge from the outside and think she didn’t really “need” that but who’s to say?

Consider as well that people who are knowingly trying to recruit youth into the sex trade use gifts and helping someone out as a way to trick youth into believing you owe them. So someone pays my rent and buys my groceries and next week they’re saying, “hey, I helped you out. Now you need to help me out.”

We need more ways to reach youth who are trading sex or sexual stuff for money or other needs. If you develop an outreach strategy that reaches youth ‘on the track’ who are consciously involved in the sex trade, that is different than reaching youth who have a couple of guys in the neighborhood who peel off a few bills for your rent or pampers for the baby in exchange for a quick trip to the bedroom or nearest couch.