Rethink Resources

I presented at the Fourth Annual Conference on Prostitution, Sex Work and the Commercial Sex Industry in Toledo, Ohio almost two weeks ago. I really enjoy meeting with everyone who attends this conference because it’s just so rare for those of us working entirely on issues of the sex trade to get together and share information. The Toledo women from Second Chance and University of Toledo do a great job making this conference happen.

Here’s me at my table with information (picture courtesy of my friend Victoria)

I facilitated a workshop on “Doing the Right Thing: Ethics and Boundaries” and the interactive discussions of real life tough situations we face made a positive impact. I left everyone with the basic framework that youth workers have developed in create better boundaries and be ethical in all our work.

Then I presented on “Why Youth Don’t Stay in Your Program and How You Can Change That” and had over 100 people show up to learn about where programs go wrong and what youth really want. I’ve learned a lot from my work and from action research by youth like you’ll find in the Current Resources of this site.

I know a lot of adults wonder about this because a lot of youth drop away from programs, even at the risk of being re-incarcerated if it’s a mandated program. I offered ideas like keeping programs small so youth don’t feel lost or unnoticed, making youth leadership real through sharing power and decisions, and welcoming all disclosures from youth with love, openness and respect instead of distance, judgment or negative consequences.

Then I headed to Atlanta, Georgia for the “It’s My Life” conference for foster care youth, caregivers and professionals to present a workshop on “Making a Difference in the Lives of Youth Trading Sex for Money.”

So the background story to this workshop is that I sent in a proposal that evidently led to a very spirited discussion for the conference committee of the Casey Family Foundation who makes this conference possible. The adults felt very uncomfortable with the idea of talking openly about the sex trade with the teens who make up more than half of the conference participants.

The youth who are a part of the conference committee insisted on accepting the workshop. They knew that this was an issue for youth in foster care and youth who have aged out of the system. So I got to present and offer an opportunity for that discussion. And I’m very grateful to the youth who made that possible and everyone at Casey Family Foundation.

During the workshop, many youth workers reported it was definitely a significant issue for them with youth pimping out other youth and youth relying on sex for money or survival needs while on run or while in programs. However we noted the lack of significant research or documentation of this reality.

We talked about what made it so hard for youth to talk about their experiences with the sex trade with caring adults and youth in the workshop said it just wasn’t something they were used to talking about with adults. Youth worried about adults being judgmental, disclosing family secrets, being pressured to change, being reported to the police, ruining a positive relationship, feeling ashamed, feeling like someone who hadn’t been involved wouldn’t understand, it’s easier to talk with peers and some youth don’t really have a good connection with positive adults, and it’s just too controversial when it’s hard enough for adults and youth to talk openly in foster care programs about sex at all.

It’s a topic that’s avoided, yet unavoidable. In the opening presentation to the conference, Misty Stenslie from the Foster Care Alumni of America shared the amazing postcard art created by youth and adults with experience in foster care. Many of the works are really intense.

The only card to get uncomfortable laughter is not up on their website. Misty shared it with me privately a few months ago when we met at another conference. It shows a photo of two teen girls dressed up in lingerie, posing provocatively on a bed and the caption the youth added was “I learned so much in residential care.”

Yes, we have a lot to talk about with youth in foster care. Hopefully the workshop I offered was one more spot to make that conversation possible.